Friday, January 27, 2006

Lessons Learned

Seems there have been a couple of significant turning points in recent months when I 've made a realization about how to be in the world or what direction I am to go. I'll start with the first lesson of last December. It was a dark time for me, perhaps I am "seasonal affective" but then again I'm not calling it a disorder. In fact, it is in perfect order to be affected by the seasons. After all everything in nature is affected by the seasons and so should we. I don't believe we always have to be depressed during the time of the winter solstice, but I was very much so last solstice. I was experiencing a fatalistic view of having to work some job that I didn't really want. I was feeling squeezed by money, or perceived lack of income. It felt hard, harsh and I had the feeling that I didn't want to live life anymore except if it weren't for a few pleasant distractions during the holiday season. So the week shortly after the New Year I fell into deep despair. I lay on my couch for a night and then a morning in a dreadful state of hopelessness worrying about being unemployed. Later that morning the phone rang inviting me to an interview for a teaching job. That shifted my mood and I began to think that there was some hope. But the interesting thing about the whole event of falling into despair was that I knew that I was choosing despair the whole time. I could at any time shift my mood, if only I believed that I should. I learned the bout of despair was unnecessary and I resolved that even if I was on the Titanic and it was sinking, I would put on my tuxedo and go dance with the orchestra. I knew that I would not allow myself to fall into despair again.

The second lesson has to do with clarity of purpose. Since I've been to two interviews to be a math teacher this month, I still haven't been hired. And this past week I came down with one of the most painful colds I can recall having in recent years. After four days my head was just pounding. I thought for sure I must have a fever, but I was surprised to find I was in the normal range when taking my temperature. Finally I took some pain medication that worked and I was able to sleep quite a bit. I felt much better the next day. In the process I also decided that I no longer wanted to be a teacher. At least not now. In fact I have a different vision. With that decision I've now set the stage to allow the higher vision to take place. I'm allowing the life I want to be created. A big part of the vision for me has been wanting to manifest wealth and abundance in my life. I believe I am indeed starting to do that. I am as well seeking happiness, love and grace in my life each day. As a result doorways are opening up to allow me to have the sort of life that I dream. Part of this lesson is learning to heal the fears. Particularly the fears that lead one to suffer lack of abundance.

It is as waking to a new reality, shifting to a deeper level of heart consciousness. We can be happy. We should endeavor to create happiness in our lives and in our world every day. We begin to do that by holding our vision for happiness each day, using our inner vision to paint the pictures we want to see in our lives. As I have been reflecting on this principle, I was particularly attuned to this quote while re-reading Yogananda's Autobiography of a Yogi:

"Awake in God, true saints effect changes in this dream-world
by means of a will harmoniously attuned to the Creative Cosmic Dreamer."

1 comment:

Kirelinn said...

Thanks for sharing about your journey, Rick, in this message and the others in your blog. I too felt depressed in December.. also in October and November! I couldn't figure out why I was feeling so down. Yet, by the end of the year I saw that I had gone through a lot of healing and clearing. This healing has allowed me to approach things in my life from a brighter level. Part of my healing was uncovering dysfunctions in my family relationships, and then making an effort to clear those destructive patterns. It was very difficult at certain points, I even fought with my family a few times, but now that I've forgiven them and myself, I'm relating to them in a much better way. It was all about healing what's within me.... it wasn't really about them at all. I feel much better this year, and I know we are creating the kind of lives we truly want to live, doing the things we love to do.
Peace from Kirelinn